Ni Tenshi Hidoride
by slit wrists for the cool kids
Summary: eh, I suck at summaries, first fic, don't hate: warning : yaoi, insanity, suicide, drama, angst, and all that other good stuff, rated M for later chapters... r & r please ...


disclaimer: I don not own Kingdom Hearts in any way shape or form, go figure...

Chapter 1

Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick.

Sora sat there on the floor, cross-legged with his elbow resting on his knee and his head resting on his hand, looking up at the kitchen clock; that cursèd clock dictating his day. Oh how he hated this clock, how he loathed it with every fiber of its being as he listened to every tick go by... for 10 minutes, for 20 minutes, for 30 minutes...

__

30 minutes?' he thought. _'That can't be! it had to have been an hour at least...'_

Disheartened, his shoulders fell and he let out a sigh. At this rate he believed 12 o'clock would never come, and that he would be forever trapped in his solitude. He shivered at the thought, but tried not to let it get to him. He checked the time. A minute had gone by. _'Maybe I should give up...' _He looked to the clock, it's stoic face staring back down at him, mocking him as he waited. His brows furrowed.

_No, this is war.'_

Determined, he sat there as the minutes slowly passed him by. He narrowed his eyes and intently watched the clock, hoping maybe, just maybe, if he thought hard enough... the hands on the clock would move faster... _This is taking forever...'_

And still he waited, until there were 30 minutes left... 25 minutes... 20 minutes... 15 minutes... 10 minutes... 5 minutes...

Five minutes until 12 and the battle was almost won. "Heheh, getting worried clock? I'll teach you to mess with Sora Ikasama..." He continued to watch the clock, chest welling up with anticipation as the second hand moved across its face, catalyzing the movement of the minute hand until... 4 minutes left... He could practically scream; victory was in his grasp... Just a little longer... So he waited... and waited... 3 minutes left... He could barely contain his excitement; he was ready to just hop off the floor right then but No, no... vigilance is the key Sora...' he reminded himself. An uncontrollable twitch developed in his right leg as the adrenalin coursed through his body, any time now... any time...2 minutes left...1 minute left... Yes, he was almost there, just a few seconds and he would emerge triumphant. He could barely take the suspense. His eyes widened as he eagerly looked up the clock, counting down the seconds with every tick gone by: _10..9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1..._

12:00

"Riku!"

Sora scrambled to his feet and ran to the front door, sliding slightly on the hard wood floors as he did so. He reached for the door, swung it open violently and ran out side. He looked around excitedly, to the left... and to the right. No where did he find the silver haired boy.

"Riku?" he said once more. No one answered.

"Oh..."

He slowly walked back into the house, head lowered and hopes dashed. He turned around to the clock. "Looks like I'm going to be alone for a little bit longer doesn't it?" The clock nodded.

"I guess so."

Sora trudged over to the couch, hopped over the back and plopped roughly into the seat, grabbing the remote as he did so.

-click-

The TV buzzed on, revealing a beautiful young blond woman and a rough looking Italian man as it did so.

__

Soap Opera...' Sora grabbed for the bag of Doritos he had left there the day before and shoved them into his mouth as he began to intently watch the ongoings on the screen.

-smack-

-I never want to see your face again

-But Alicia, I love you!

-Ha! You never loved me! I was just a play thing on the side if Silvia wouldn't let you have your  
way with her!

-Alicia, that's not true!

-smack-

- Don't tell me that's not true! You and I both know that it's true, don't try to pretend. You knew I  
loved you, that I'd do anything for you, come to your beckon call and what do you do? Roll  
around with that tramp! And dear lord, you can't even show up on time let alone be my love...

"Amen to that sister." Sora said, raising his bag of Doritos as to toast the enraged soap-star. He brought another handful to his mouth and continued to watch the screen, allowing some crumbs to fall down his shirt as he did so.

__

-Alicia, I know I've made my mistakes, but please, just one more chance...

-Never...

"You heard her Stephano, she's sick of you and your mind games!" he shouted, more crumbs tumbling from his mouth onto his lap.

"...I can't believe you're watching this smut again..." Sora quickly turned around.

"Riku!" With a huge smile on his face, he sat up, dusted himself off and was more than ready to fling himself at the boy until he stopped himself. "You're late." he said flatly. Riku raised an eyebrow.

"It's 12:10."

"Exactly."

Riku rolled his eyes and took a seat on the couch that wasn't covered by bits of chips. He chuckled "Gee Sora, this place is a mess, now what would your parents think?" Sora shrugged.

"Nothing. It's not like they're ever home anyway." he took a seat next to Riku, chips in hand, and continued to watch his show.

__

-Alicia, please, I love you

Both characters went silent, Stephano leaned over to Alicia, and passionately kissed her on the lips.

"NO!" Sora screamed, the bag of chips falling off of his lap and onto the floor. Riku shook his head in disapproval.

Alicia pulled away from the kiss.

__

-You think it's going to be that easy don't you?

__

-No... Alicia...

The blond woman pulled a gun from underneath her skirt and pointed it right at the Italian man, who was now quivering with fear.

-Goodbye Stephano.

-BANG-

"Huh, looks like someone's PMS-ing doesn't it?" Riku commented, earning himself a punch on the shoulder by Sora. "Ouch!"

"He disserved it Riku! He had no right to use her like that!" Sora debated.

"Well that's no reason to kill a guy... or to punch me..." Riku said, massaging the spot where Sora had punched him. He looked over at Sora, who was again attentively watching the show. "You know what... enough of this..." He took the remote from off Sora's lap and turned off the TV.

"Hey!" Sora attempted to grab the remote from Riku's now outstretched arm.

"Nuh uh, so much crap in one sitting isn't good for you. I mean look at you Sora, you're pathetic."  
Sora looked down at himself, he had to admit to himself that he did indeed look rather out of sorts with hair disheveled and still wearing his pajamas, but he wouldn't admit it to Riku.

"So what?"

"You look a mess Sora; it seems to me that you need to get out more often." Sora agreed, but still kept his brows furrowed, lips pursed in that infamous pout of his. "Tell you what, why don't we go out for ice cream or something." Sora's expression changed instantly.

"Really?"

Riku nodded.

"Do you have your car?"

"Yup."

"One sec..."

He hurriedly ran upstairs to get dressed, leaving Riku to wait, shaking his head with an involuntary smile on his face.

"Sora you idiot.."

A few minutes passed and Sora came back down, hair done and fully dressed. "Ready?" Riku asked. Sora nodded. "Okay, lets go then."

And so they went to the ice-cream parlor, and then to the movies, and Sora even convinced Riku to go mini putting, which he soon claimed himself to be the master of the mini-golf course, although he was still reluctant to say that he actually had a good time. Sora had to admit; it was nice to get out for a change, to be away from that cold empty house of his and actually have fun. It's not good for anyone to be alone for such a long time... you begin to retreat into yourself... and bad things tend to happen... Sora shook the thought out of his mind. 'No, lets not think about that...' He was actually happy for once, and he didn't want anything to ruin it.

He began to get lost in his thoughts as he sat there in the passenger seat of Riku's convertible, wind blowing through his hair, sun warming his face. Yes, it had been a good day. Now it was sunset, and Sora was sure that this was the best day of his summer vacation thus far. Not only because of the movies, the putting, and the ice cream,

But because of Riku.

Nothing could make Sora feel quite like how he did when Riku was around, and he loved every minute of it. He was Sora's best friend, his confident, and nothing would ever change that. Sure, they had the quarrels, but that didn't matter. He loved Riku. He wasn't quite sure if Riku felt the same way, hell, sometimes he wasn't even sure if he felt that way, but one thing was certain; Riku was simply beautiful.

He looked at the clock.

12:00

He had been over at Riku's house for about 5 hours playing video games. He had dinner there too, which was nice, because he was getting sick of living off of cheese crackers and ramen noodles. He turned to Riku, arms outstretched, hands behind his head, and yawned. "It's getting late."

Riku looked to the clock. "Yeah... it is. Do you want me to take you home?"

"Sure."

They got off the couch, turned off the PS2, and headed for the door. The drive home was silent, neither boy said much. Riku pulled into the driveway and parked the car.

"Neither of your parents are home." Sora's face fell, but he quickly wiped the expression off.

"I didn't really expect them to be. They're at another one of their 'soirees'; they wont be home until 4 in the morning. .. No big deal." He said casually.

"Okay then. See you later Sora."

"Later..."

Riku pulled out of the driveway and drove off into the night.

The house was quite when Sora first opened the front door. He felt the darkness close in on him, the feeling of abandonment coursing through his veins. He blindly made his way up the stairs and into his bedroom, 3rd door on the right. He turned on the lamp. Everything was neat, everything was tidy, right where it belonged. He stepped over to his mirror, a young slender boy looked back at him. He began to miss Riku, he wished he would have stayed awhile. It was lonely being all by himself, he hated it, and yet, this was the position he seemed to always find himself in. His heart fell before his trademark smile crept across his face.

"I can be happy by my self. See?" He said distantly. "I can be happy." He posed in the mirror, flashing his smile again, and again. He looked at the reflection standing before him, with it's twinkling eyes and cheesy grin. No matter how hard he tried it would never be real. "I can be happy. I really can." He smiled cheekily again, then paused.

"I CAN BE HAPPY GOD DAMNIT!" he picked up his lamp and threw it at the mirror, watching them both fall into a thousand tiny shard onto the ground. The room became dark.

"WHY CAN'T I BE HAPPY!" Tears began to fall from his eyes as he staggered across his room, knocking random things off of shelves as he did so.

"YOU STUPID BITCH WHY CAN'T YOU BE REAL?" he sobbed, tripping over a book and falling into the pile of broken glass, shard cutting deep into his flesh as he did so. But it didn't matter, he didn't matter. He got up, dusted himself off and walked over to check the time.

12:30

He hurled the alarm clock across the room, a dizzy feeling filling his head from the effort. He looked to the ground, which seemed to be moving under his feet. Pools of crimson dotted the carpet to the spot where he stood. He looked at his own body to see blood trickling down his arms and legs. He smiled, and then laughed.

"Hahahaha, Sora you worthless piece of shit. Can't you see? This is what you disserve, you disserve to feel pain, you disserve to be alone." His laughter filled the room and then it came to a stop.

"But why? Why me?"

"_Isn't it obvious_?" He snapped back. "Look at yourself, you're worthless, you have no value. I thought you would have figured this out by now. No one loves _you _Sora."

"But my parents..."

"The ones that are never here?"

"and Riku..."

"_What about Riku_?"

"I love Riku..."

"Ha! And you think he love you back? That pretty boy wouldn't give a rats ass about you."

Hot tears made there way back down his face. "LIAR!"

"I'm not the liar! _You are_. Sora, look at yourself, living this empty existence of yours. You're pathetic. Face it, you don't matter. "

Sora tried to think of a retaliation but none came. "That's not true..." he cried.

"Of course it is."

"People care!"

"No they don't."

"Not even Riku?"

"Not even Riku."

"_You lie!_"

"I never lie..."

He tried to tell himself that it couldn't be true, that some one out there had to care, but he knew that this was. Sora paused, everything was starting to go black. He looked down. He had lost a lot of blood.

"Ansem, am I going to die?"

"If you're lucky."

Sora struggled to keep awake, he wasn't sure if he wanted to die, the thought seemed so alluring, and yet...

"I don't think I'm ready to die..."

"Of course you are. Don't you wan this pain to end?"

"Yes but..."

"Close your eyes Sora."

He tried to retaliate but he could no longer stand. Weak from blood loss he fell to the floor. The ceiling was spinning above him as he struggled to keep open his eyes, but maybe, death wouldn't be that bad. He felt his eyelashes dust his cheeks as his eyes drifted open, and then close, and then open, and then close until everything faded to black. He began to go cold; everything felt so distant now, so surreal...

"Goodnight Sora."

"Goodnight."

dun dun dun

okay, I apologize for it being so. effing. long. and for such a slow beginning; it wont always be like this, I promise. I just started out with this fic, and I'm pretty sure I know where I want it to go, it should get interesting...review... please? o.0


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